woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit