he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.