I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity