i can't believe i had my finger in that
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.