Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.