Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.