i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...