If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty