ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.