it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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