I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
