don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
