So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
