I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
