I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
