Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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