i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
