idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize