umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
People in love make me want to vomit
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
