i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
