Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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