Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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