the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
