I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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