I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
honey bunches of taint.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
