Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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