we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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