Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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