Will you blow on my dice?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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