she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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