JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who died my cat blue again?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
