There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
