booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
PANTIES FOUND
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