I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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