And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
