I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
