I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
