I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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