Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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