we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
