i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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