Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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