He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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