Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
