Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
