I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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