I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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