One girl and one boy is just not enough.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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