I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
