Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize