Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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