When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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