Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
