I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
