you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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