I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
