Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
