Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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