omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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