you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You work out of a Hotel?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize