Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
