Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
