Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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