When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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