he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
