happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
