It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
