My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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