i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
